Dear Toronto Strip Club, I have become serious with this guy. We’ve talked about getting married when we get out of college. The problem? His mom said that he has to marry someone who is Muslim. And if he wants to marry a Christian (I’m Baptist), he can, as long as she converts to Islam. I don’t want him to ruin his relationship with his parents but I don’t want to lose him either. What can we do? Leap of Faith Dear Leap, Um, well, you could convert to Islam. After all, it’s been made pretty clear that that’s what would have to happen to both please his parents and continue the relationship. Of course, I take it that wouldn’t be writing me if this were an option for you. So here’s what you can do. You can sit down with his parents, explain the situation and see if there is any elbowroom on their condition since converting to Islam is not something you’re prepared to do. If you can convince them (which seems unlikely) you’re Scott free, happy parents, happy relationship…woohoo. If they don’t budge (more likely), rather than risk getting into a confrontation, getting upset and saying things you might regret, tell them you’ll have to think more about this and you’ll get back to them. Then talk to your boyfriend and figure out what you’re going to do. What is his opinion on this? Is your faith important to him as well, or is it just his parents.
Tell him that you can’t see yourself converting to another faith to please his parents if it’s not something that’s important to him. Ask him what you think you can do. Does he think he can talk to his parents and change their mind? If he doesn’t, is he willing to take your side and marry you risking their disapproval of his marriage. What will that mean? Will they refuse to see him and you? You clearly need to resolve this issue. It’s a biggie and the important thing will be to keep a calm, clear head while you are trying to resolve it. No “your parents or me” ultimatums. If you’re understanding and sympathetic to his difficult position, he will hopefully be more open to yours and there is a greater chance you can find a resolution. If you’re not willing to convert to Islam and his parents are immovable on this point and you are both still determined to get married, it will cause a rift. How you act throughout however is the only chance you have to bringing them, hopefully eventually around to your side. It may never happen and you will have to accept that. But you can be sure it won’t happen if you are confrontational and unreasonable and force your boyfriend to takes sides. It may be that your boyfriend can’t handle the strain on his relationship with his parents and you will have to accept that as well if you are not willing to convert. Proceed with caution.
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Tell him that you can’t see yourself converting to another faith to please his parents if it’s not something that’s important to him. Ask him what you think you can do. Does he think he can talk to his parents and change their mind? If he doesn’t, is he willing to take your side and marry you risking their disapproval of his marriage. What will that mean? Will they refuse to see him and you? You clearly need to resolve this issue. It’s a biggie and the important thing will be to keep a calm, clear head while you are trying to resolve it. No “your parents or me” ultimatums. If you’re understanding and sympathetic to his difficult position, he will hopefully be more open to yours and there is a greater chance you can find a resolution. If you’re not willing to convert to Islam and his parents are immovable on this point and you are both still determined to get married, it will cause a rift. How you act throughout however is the only chance you have to bringing them, hopefully eventually around to your side. It may never happen and you will have to accept that. But you can be sure it won’t happen if you are confrontational and unreasonable and force your boyfriend to takes sides. It may be that your boyfriend can’t handle the strain on his relationship with his parents and you will have to accept that as well if you are not willing to convert. Proceed with caution.
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